Flesh of my flesh.

We had to leave for school early this morning. It was a surprise (to me) owing to my daughter’s sudden climb to the heights of June celebrity: she made the track team, high jump division. City finals are next week. Get jumping, kids. Get jumping before 9 am.

So we’re in the car and it’s early, it’s especially early for Mommy, who was out last night conspiring with Natalie Zed to... well. We wonder if women really aren’t allowed in bathhouses in Toronto or if that’s just a myth. Don't worry. Time will tell.

So we’re in the car, and it’s early is what I’m saying. And what I’m saying to the kids is this: Remember how I had that My Life As Scissors idea? (Nora: Yes. Desmond: What.) The idea where for a whole year I decide things by Rock-Paper-Scissors? And I only throw Scissors? (Nora: Did you see MY post on Facebook. It’s called: paper beats rock? okay, I’ll throw a rock at you, and you defend yourself with paper. [laughs, looks out window, ignores everyone else in car.] Desmond: complete silence.)

Then:

Desmond: So I’m having pop.

Me: What.

Desmond: I’m having pop.

Me: It’s 8 am. When.

Desmond: Today. Okay Rock-Paper-Scissors, Mommy! Right now! You have to! You have to throw Scissors!

Me: I’m driving! OW!

In the 40 metres between my parking spot and the school’s front entrance, he also RPS’ed me for the ingestion of chips and “a really good dvd rental from 2Q."

1. I see now that this is going to cost me.
2. I’m concerned over the definition of “really good dvd rental.” I stopped sending the kids down to rent movies by themselves when I figured out that 2Q generally mixes the porn in with the regular new releases. It’s newly-released porn.

What the kid doesn’t know is that this game is going to be all in the loopholes.

image: Lisa Austin